Author: Crofton77

Its the End of the World as We Know It

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

Here at The Mausoleum we have several traditions that are about to hit the dirt. (The Mausoleum is in the process of size reduction and eventual move to Brisvegas)
The first tradition to go is the Manager Finance (MF) BBQ-ing every day for the last two weeks of December. During the year we have a welfare club that provides snags (sausages) every Tuesday and Thursday, and bacon and egg burgers every pay day (fortnightly). The welfare club ceases this activity (due to most people being on holidays) the second week of December. MF bravely steps in and provides us with all manner of bbqed delicacies from chicken skewers to bacon and egg burgers and a lot in between. He sends an email every morning to apprise us of the day’s offerings and then off he goes at 0930 to light the barbie!
But now, alas, the MF has chosen to leave us! There was a collective groan throughout The Mausoleum at the announcement. Who will cook for us next year? What will we do without the delicious little morsels to look forward to on otherwise boring days? MF saves us all in these last few working days and next year he won’t be here…….
To the Manager Finance I offer my heartfelt thanks for the years of service to the tongs, and wish you every happiness and success in whatever you do in your future!!!
The second tradition is the Punters Club (PC). The PC has existed time out of mind and is/was a bunch of like minded people who liked to take a chance with Lady Luck on the horses, dogs, keno, lotto, two flies crawling up a wall, you get the picture! Now, one of the mainstays of this club, DD, has decided retirement is the go and thus the club will disband after March next year (Hagalicious can’t go on without DD apparently). Never again will we gloat or bemoan the weekends tipping and check the spreadsheets to see who has won the most. Never again will we sit, as a club, in the Legends Room at Clifford Park Raceway on our special yearly break up day. 
Enjoy your retirement DD!!!!
The third tradition is the Christmas Pub Crawl (CPC). Every year, Management (yes that means me), puts on a Chicken and Champagne breakfast for our staff to say Thank You  for making us look good all year. The CPC takes place after the Chicken and Champagne. Designated Drivers ferry the festive folk to the nominated starting pub and the crawl begins! We sample most of the 'in' pubs playing pool and cranking up the juke box singing along to the tunes. Sadly there will be one last hurrah and then no more. To the stalwarts who are there every year, thank you for your company SALUTE!!!

There are a few other traditions that are coming to an end and I will blog about them separately over the coming days. It has been said that 'change is goodness' I'm not convinced…..

Sweet Dreams Are Made of Cheese (parody)

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

I am partial to the odd piece of cheese. I like ALL kinds of cheese from a nice Camembert to a strong Blue Vein and everything in between. I especially like the Blue Vein in a sauce on a medium rare steak…but that's another story.

Today I feel constrained to blog about a cheese I have been nibbling over the last week: Mainland Smoked Cheddar. 'A smokey flavoured cheddar that's warm and cheery like an open fire' is he blurb on the packaging. It lives up to its name! A lovely tasty, smokey, slightly crumbly, cheddar that tantalises the taste buds and goes with anything!

Just now I had some cold roast chicken, salami, cherries, apricots and the delicious smoked cheddar for a light evening repast. The cheese doesn't overwhelm the taste of its culinary companions but niether is it lost in their various flavours – it holds its own in any company.

There are occasions when a biscuit is needed with one's cheese and with this little beauty I match it with a multigrain Salada and a sweet white wine, Brown Brother's Moscato, is my preferred tipple. Yes yes I am told red wine is served with cheese but…..as I always point out…I am not a food connoisseur I just eat and drink what I like.

Sometimes I have been known to wrap the delicious morsels of smokey cheddar goodness in a slice of salami as a quick pick me up snack!
 
Now if HR were here to assist me in the consumption of said cheese, he'd be looking for some olives and cellery! And of course we would argue about what kind of olives!



 So all in all this Mainland Smoked Cheddar is a tasty versatile cheese that I will be looking for again when I hit the shops!!!

Baby you can drive my car

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

Cars have naff all to do with food I hear you say, and you're quite right but…cars are a necessary evil in getting one to and from restaurants and grocery stores hence this post.

Once upon a time I owned a gorgeously cheeky little Kia Cerato Koup, I loved that car and we had many good times together.

Then HR (the husband, remember?) decided he wanted to exchange his crappy piece of Euro Trash Mondeo for a Mazda BT 50 (The BT). My little Kia was sacrificed on the altar of his masculine stupidity (I'll stop sobbing momentarily) and I inherited my first piece of Euro Trash.

 Next thing is The Boy Child is living 50 mins away from work and his piece of shit Holden Commodore (hereafter referred to as The Crummy) was costing him a fortune in fuel, maybe he could use the Mondeo (diesel is cheaper and more economical apparently) and I could use The Crummy. Well the big problem there is that I will NEVER willingly drive a Holden.

So we have a conundrum! BUT the Normal Autistic Girl lives in Brisvegas and uses public transport so her car (Tenny the Veloster) is in an advanced state of disuse, perhaps Mother could use that? Well yes but it is unregistered and some bastard has side swiped it and driven off so……..

Anyway, long story short, Tenny got registered and repaired and came to live with me for ten months.
Keeping up are we?
So, the Normal Autistic Girl suddenly needs her car back!! More than a conundrum here, we have a fricken DILEMMA!! What will Mother drive? How will she get from here to there and to her many food sources?
Check the classified boards at work!! Genius right? Mebbe.

There's a car for sale (more Euro Trash). An Audi, going cheap, but in good condition. Hmm I think to myself let's be looking at this then. Long story short, again, I bought said Audi, bargain yeah? Mebbe.

The Audi passed a roadworthy and has new tyres and is generally ready to rock (The Mini Brat Lurvs the Audi and wants it when I get my new Kia). Let's take Tenny back to Brisvegas!

I drive the Audi, the Mini Brat drives Tenny ( a story in itself but not right now). It's raining all the way there. We meet the Normal Autistic Girl at Macca's near the Gabba, give her her car and the Mini Brat and I start the drive back (forgetting to get my house keys off Tenny's keyring…we had to climb in a window when we got home).

Merrily driving along and fielding abuse from the Mini Brat, seems my attempt to be considerate by not speeding along on the way TO Brisvegas annoyed her (she was following me), we lost a little traction on a wet, rough bit of road near Buranda shopping centre. No Biggy, corrected and motored on. Except that suddenly I have no oomph in the accelerator, and if I try to speed up the car bucks like a Bronco!!! What the hell, have I bought a lemon????? Will I get back up the Range? will we get home in time for the Mini Brat to get her nails done?? Sounds like some kind of melodrama right?

I was right to be concerned about the Range. Oh dear. It was embarassing and humiliating and I found out JUST how much the MiniBrat is like her Father (HR). She huffed, she puffed she was downright fricken annoying whilst I tried to baby this piece of EuroTrash up the hill!!
Four times it stalled going up the hill and just because we were at the top didn't seem to make a difference. We must have stalled through at least three sets of lights ( yeah thanks to the dickheads who tooted in annoyance even though we had hazzard lights flashing and all cos like we weren't embarassed enough you know?). We finally made it home. My nerves were shot, the Mini Brat made her appointment so, you know, everything worked out yeah.
I rang HR. HR rang the Audi dealers. The Audi dealers inform HR of something called 'Limp Mode'.
Apparently the Audi has all these sensors everywhere and if somethng is off the car will go into the 'Limp Mode' to protect the car. You have enough power to get the vehicle to a garage apparently.

WHY WASN'T I TOLD????????????

SO, I will get the Audi to the mechanic on Monday and then hopefully I can get back to driving to wherever it is I need to drive………In PEACE!!!!!

Chapter Fifty-Six: Domestic Disputes

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in The Story.

"You're joking right?" Sunny gasped.

"Nope."

"You mean the March Hill Crusaders are back?!" Sam yelped.

"Yup."

"And they're trying to take over the Council?" Daniel looked concerned.

"Absolutely."

"And REVOLVER and MARION saved your necks?!" TJ couldn't believe it.

"Believe it."

Chuckles and Giggles had returned to the hideout at the tip, and were instantly swamped by the Knights of the Last Order (minus Webster, who was still snotty with them).

"This is bad." Tammy sat back, thinking hard.

"You think? You wouldn't believe what they have. They have the Mystic Eight Gun and the Dragon Scale Scythe, which are like the nastier versions of the Lucky Seven and the Lions Claw." Chuckles pulled off his bandanas, becoming Charlie Begly again.

"The whatta?" Petunia asked.

"I didn't get it either." Belle shrugged off her Backpack. "Charlie knows more than me."

"I found out when I was in Awesomica that the Lucky Seven and the Lions Claw had cousins." Charlie went on to explain. "I ran into the guys who had the slightly inferior versions if you will – the Palatable Six Gun and the Stingrays Tail Whip. I guess that means there's more of those weapons out there."

"Hmmm…" Belle began to think. "I think I might have read about something like that in one of my history books."

"Are we going to hear about it all day every day for the next month?" Charlie asked dryly.

Luckily for him, Belle is too short to strangle him. Unfortunately, she could still kick his shins.

—

The March Hill Crusaders were back with a vengence. Over the next month they raided every bank in the city, attacked the school, robbed each of the shopping centres and antagonised the Death Valley Mobsters at every opportunity. Between the crimes and the gang-war, Chuckles, Giggles and the Noble Knights of the Last Order found themselves exceptionally busy.

"This is insane. I seriously don't know who I am some days!" Belle complained to her father. "Yesterday we helped the Crusaders stop the Mobsters from stealing some valuable paintings that were being transported through town, but the day before we were helped by the Mobsters to stop the Crusaders from killing the City Counsellors!"

"Be grateful none of the other crime families have come back." Peter said dryly. "I'm as confused as you are."

"At least there's no chance of them teaming up together, there's a LOT of bad blood between them; Master Revolver hates Crusader Mark with a passion, and Mobster Marion isn't that fond of Crusader Roger. I haven't even started with how much trouble Demon and Ruby are causing." Belle was slumped back on the couch next to her father, who was also exhausted.

"The return of the Crusaders has seen a spike in my work." Peter groaned. "I haven't had this much work since before the Mob and the DVG merged."

"Hey, you're just prosecuting, I'm prosecuting AND protecting the city!" Belle poked her father in the ribs.

"Well I'm prosecuting AND taking care of your scrawny arse!" Peter tickled her back, and the pair laughed.

Just then, Maddy walked in with Tate. She looked upset and Tate looked ropeable.

"Is Lara around?" Maddy asked.

"What happened?" Peter asked as Belle went to hug her friend.

"Webster happened. We had a fight. A really big one." Maddy began to cry. Belle sighed.

"Was it about you-know-who again?" She asked.

Maddy nodded. "He refuses to hear even the slightest bad thing about her, and if I try to talk about us he shuts down."

"This is getting beyond a joke." Peter shot up the stairs to get his wife, while Belle tried to comfort Maddy and the young Tate, who was still too young to understand what was going on, and what her namesake had done.

"Hey Tate, you wanna come and see my new scooter?" Ozzie came flying back down the stairs. Belle could have hugged him.

"Sure." Tate ran off after her older friend.

"I have the best little brother in the world." Belle grinned at Maddy, who smiled back.

"I have two older sisters and three younger brothers. They drive me insane." She tried to laugh. Soon Lara was downstairs and the three were digging into a bowl of ice cream together.

—

"THRUST! PARRY! THRUST! PARRY!" Yelled Daniel.

"I really don't think this is how swordfighting works." Sunny watched as TJ and Sam thrusted and parried respectively at the tip.

"I KNOW this isn't how swordfighting works!" Webster rolled his eyes. "You ever see Charlie restorting to this sort of tomfoolerly?"

"You are SERIOUSLY starting to get on my nerves." Petunia scowled.

"I honestly don't know how you guys aren't dead yet. Your weapons and armour are seriously flimsy and outdated, you have ZERO training and you don't take it seriously at all!" Webster groaned.

"We learned on the job. Best sort of training there is!" Tammy fired.

"We DO take it seriously, we just know how to have a laugh at ourselves!" TJ snapped.

"And our weapons have served us well thus far, why mess with the classics?" Sunny finished.

"No wonder Belle gets exasperated with you lot." Webster shook his head.

"At least she has a sense of humour." TJ frowned.

"Why do you even bother with us if you think we're so inferior?" Daniel threw himself up to his full height, which rivaled Charlie. "There's nothing forcing you to join us, you could easily do what Izzy and Lizzy did and form your own crime-fighting group."

"Because I thought you guys knew what you were doing! Instead, you're constantly getting your backsides handed to you requiring Belle and Charlie to come flying in to the rescue!" Webster groaned.

"Not entirely true, there's been plenty of occassions when we've jumped in to save their skins!" Daniel told him. "And we're the ones who kept this city safe while they were on hiatus!"

"And you did a brilliant job at that." Webster muttered.

"What's going on here?" They jumped at a voice coming from behind a pile of rubbish.

"Just this idiot being…well…an idiot." Daniel scowled at Webster, who sneered back as Belle and Charlie joined the fray.

"I wouldn't push your luck, Maddy told us what you said to her – telling her she's not your best friend and never will be was a low blow." Charlie frowned at Webster. "You seriously suck as a boyfriend."

"And this all because I won't marry her?!" Webster bit back, his face beginning to colour with rage.

"NO, because you're an absolute prick to her! How come you keep bringing up Tate? Didn't Pleasantville University get destroyed because YOU chose Maddy over Tate?!" Belle immediately launched into an offensive (well, the Masters Code does stipulate that a Masters shouldn't hold back). "Surely you would think that you loved Maddy enough that you wouldn't need to bring Tate up again every five seconds!"

Webster let out a low growl. They didn't understand. Tate had been more than just his friend, she had been…

"You don't know anything, so quit acting like you do. You're all still just kids." Webster turned on his heel and made to leave. Belle made to go after him, when her phone rang.

"You're joking right?" She said as Bill politely informed her that there was ANOTHER gang war going on over Lake Pleasant. "We'll be there as soon as we can. Got ya. Love you too!"

"Another turf war?" Sunny groaned as Belle hung up the phone. "Why don't we just leave them at it?"

"We try to, unfortunately they tend to pick battlegrounds where there's a wealth of civilians around for them to kill and injure." Belle shrugged off her rucksack and pulled out her Giggles attire. "Are you going to join us or are you sulking?" She scowled at Webster.

"I'm coming." Webster scowled back, getting his Sir Hedgehog gear out of his bag.

"Well, it's nice to know that we'll have team unity on our side." Charlie joked as he clipped on the Arm Scythes.

—

"Why is it when ever there's a turf war I seem to get caught dead in the middle of it?!" Peter Masters whined as a battle raged in the streets around him. He, Lara and Maddy were hidden under a market stall near the shores of Lake Pleasant.

"Chuckles and Giggles should be here soon." Lara said hopefully.

Maddy looked down. If Chuckles and Giggles were coming, then it meant the Knights of the Last Order would be with them.

Webster would be with them.

Chapter Fifty-Five: Rise of the Crusaders

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in The Story.

It was time. A time for long-held rivalries to be renewed. A time for long-forgotten battles to be re-fought. A time for old wounds to be re-opened.

"THAT WAS SO NOT OUT YOU CHEATERS!"

It was time for a game of cricket.

"Earth to morons, if you don't want to be run out, stay in your crease!" Sunny snapped at an irate Daniel.

"I WAS in my crease thank you, I was MILES inside my crease!" Daniel yelled back.

"Not from where I'm standing." Petunia piped up. "You were no where near it!"

"It was a run out fair and square!" Belle agreed.

"Of course YOU'D say that!" TJ glowered.

"What are you accusing us of?" Belle fumed.

"You're cheaters, plain and square!" Charlie stalked over from his wicket, throwing down his bat.

"Them's fighting words!" Sunny prepared for an altercation.

"You're on!"

"Are you guys seriously going to get into fisticuffs over a stupid game of cricket?" Webster looked amused at his younger friends.

"YES." Was the resounding reply.

"It's great to see that maturity is a pre-requisite for joining the Last Order." Webster rolled his eyes.

"Well go home then if you're too good for us!" Sam folded his arms. "Maddy says you haven't been around much anyway."

"And what would you know?" Webster frowned at the younger man.

"I might be going through a teaching degree and trying to save the city, but I can still make time for my friends and family." Sam replied snarkily.

"Sam has a point." Sunny agreed. "Patrick and I have a great relationship, we're even getting properly married in autumn."

"And we're going to be the bridesmaids!" Belle, Petunia and Tammy started dancing happily.

"So this is what this is about. You think I should give in and marry Maddy." Webster scowled.

"Mate, we just want you to start being a family with her again!" Charlie groaned. "It's been nearly five years since Tate was born-,"

"Don't." Webster snapped. Belle rolled her eyes.

"You are NOT still wrapped up over that petty criminal you used to call a best friend, are you?" She asked.

"Tate wasn't a petty criminal!" Webster was now fired up. He narrowed his eyes at Belle.

"Easy mate, Belle has a point!" TJ pointed out. "Sure she might have done a few good things, but that doesn't make up for the fact that she went completely psycho and tried to kill a University worth of people."

"She had a few issues but there was nothing that couldn't be fixed!" Webster protested.

"Why are you still protecting her? It's not like you loved her." Tammy said.

Webster grimmaced, before turning on his heel and storming off.

"I really don't know why he decided to join the Last Order, he really doesn't get along with us at all." Daniel frowned.

"He probably thought we were all scholars like Belle." Charlie rolled his eyes.

"It wouldn't hurt you guys to follow my example every once in a while." Belle narrowed her eyes at him.

"He'll figure it out." Sunny shrugged. "I know Patrick and I had a lot of issues when we first had Melody. Trying to balance being a Knight and a parent is hard work, and it took us the best part of a year to sort it out."

"Yeah, we remember." TJ smirked.

"Anyway, let's just ease off him for a while." Sunny continued. "He's only been a Knight for what, six months? Give it some time."

"I agree. Webster gets in moods sometimes." Belle added. "I lived with him and Maddy for four years, trust me, I know."

"If you say so." Petunia shrugged. "Now are you boys going to bowl or what?"

"THAT WAS NOT OUT!"

—

"WHY HASN'T HE ASKED ME TO MARRY HIM YET?!" Mobster Marion wailed.

"Will you stop it already?!" Daryl Jones groaned, sitting at his fathers desk, feet resting next to the monitor. "I don't know why your stupid boyfriend won't propose."

Mobster Marion pouted and flopped onto the sofa. "Where's your father anyway? My best henchmen are in prison and I want them out."

"He's busy at the moment with a few of his other projects." Daryl checked his phone.

"You're an absolute brat, you know that don't you?" Mobster Marion scowled at the younger Jones. "Tell Arnold when he gets in that I want to see him."

"Toodles." Daryl waved half-heartedly as Mobster Marion stormed out in a huff. He continued playing with his phone, not paying attention to anything that went on around him.
Suddenly, he felt a knife at his throat.

"Hello Daryl. You're giving the Ruby Suit to us." Said a voice behind him.

"Oh am I just?" Daryl grinned lazily. "You really think I'm scared of a  little knife at my throat when I've been on the wrong end of the Lions Claw Blade?"

"Given the Lions Claw is currently wielded by a simpering idiot, I think you should be paying the knife at your throat a bit more respect." The voice said, a note of anger coming through.

"I recognise you from somewhere…ah yes. When Marion tried to blow up the theatre, you declared her a psycho and left the Death Valley Mob." Daryl spun around in the chair, his foot narrowly missing his assailant.

"My name is Mark if you must know. Crusader Mark, to be more precise." The man stood up at full height, knife still pointed in Daryls direction.

"Crusader?" Daryl looked confused.

"You would be too young to know of the March Hill Crusaders, they've been underground since before your father was born." Crusader Mark told him. "We used to rule Pleasantville until the Mobsters of Misneach got too strong."

"And now you want your throne back?" Daryl smirked.

"If you don't mind." Crusader Mark smirked back.

"And you thought my father would give a damn if I was killed?" Daryl rolled his eyes.

"We just want the Ruby Suit. It's a powerful weapon, and too potent to be left in the hands of a moron like you." Crusader Mark told the young man in front of him.

"If you think insulting me is going to get me to hand it over, then you're wrong." Daryl put his feet back up on the desk. "Besides, I don't have it here."

"Liar." Crusader Mark pulled out a large revolver. Daryls eyes widened.

"Is that the Lucky Seven Gun?!" He asked warily. "How'd you get it off Giggles?"

"It is NOT the Lucky Seven Gun, as nice as it would be to have it. No, this is the cousin of the Lucky Seven, the Mystic Eight Gun. There are seven guns in total, each with a weapon of some sort as a brother." Crusader Mark rolled his eyes. "For example, the Lucky Seven and the Lions Claw are brothers. The Trinity Three and the Tigers Tooth Scimitar are another set, as are the Palatable Six and the Stingrays Tail Whip."

"So what's the brother of that one?" Daryl couldn't help but ask.

"Never you mind. The Ruby Suit please?" Crusader Mark cocked the gun. "I won't ask again."

"Nope." Daryl replied.

"Fine. You die then." Crusader Mark prepared to fire the Mystic Eight Gun.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Mark."

Crusader Mark groaned. Standing at the door was Demon Jones with a small posse of Emerald Mobsters.

"Who are you with?" Demon Jones glared at Crusader Mark.

"I've gone through enough exposition with your son, I'm sure he can fill you in later during a timeskip." Crusader Mark replied.

"Lazy." Demon Jones scowled. "Get out of my office."

"Hmmm…I think not." Crusader Mark smiled. "I quite like it in here."

"You're completely outnumbered and outmatched; what makes you so certain you're going to get out of here alive?" Daryl glared at his attacker.

"You REALLY think I came in here alone?" Crusader Mark began to laugh. "I have Crusaders throughout the building, there's no way I'm leaving without the Ruby Suit."

"And I told you, I don't have it here. Even if I did, you'd never be able to get it off me." Daryl replied coldly.

"So be it." Crusader Mark pointed the Mystic Eight Gun at Daryls head. "Good-bye Daryl."

Daryl flinched as a gunshot rang throughout the room. Crusader Mark screamed.

"It's YOU!" He pointed at the now broken window, his other arm now dripping with blood.

"Yeah, it's me. You're lucky I know people who work here Demon, otherwise Daryl was a goner." Standing in the broken window frame stood Giggles. "It seems the March Hill Crusaders have taken over the building."

"Well, I never. Giggles coming to save little old me." Daryl sneered at Giggles, who replied by flipping him the bird.

"I'm here to make sure no one gets killed." She aimed the Lucky Seven Gun at Crusader Mark.

"Oh really?" Crusader Mark aimed the Mystic Eight Gun back.

Downstairs, Peter Masters was hiding under his desk as Crusader Roger stood with the Dragons Scale Scythe against Chuckles and the Lions Claw Blade.

"So you're the ones who murdered all those people over 90 years ago." Chuckles glared at Crusader Roger.

"That was my great-grandfather." Crusader Roger said proudly. "It wasn't like YOUR little 'protest' last year where you all escaped. WE made sure that Damon and Pythias didn't live to continue to cause trouble."

Chuckles growled angrily. His hands gripped the Lions Claw Blade tightly.

"You're out of your league Chuckles. Why don't you just drop your weapon and scurry off home where you belong?" Crusader Roger continued. "I might even be inclined to let you live if you do."

Chuckles ran at the Crusader and swung at him with the Lions Claw Blade, but it was blocked by the blade of the Dragons Scale Scythe. "I'll never surrender, I'll fight until the end."

"How cute." With the slightest of movements, Crusader Roger blocked another blow from the Lions Claw Blade. "I'm sure your bravery will be remembered…for a little while."

Chuckles continued to try and get a blow in, but Crusader Roger was far too smart and strong. Upstairs, Giggles was having the same problems with Crusader Mark.

"If you could actually HELP that'd be great!" She snapped at Demon Jones, who shrugged and continued to polish his boomerang.

"I'm too busy enjoying the show." Was the reply.

Giggles cartwheeled out of the way of another bullet. The Mystic Eight Gun seemed so much more potent than its smaller cousin, it might have been completely psychological but Giggles was hopelessly outclassed.

"And THIS is why you don't take on those who are better than you!" Said a voice that Giggles could scarcely believe was coming to her rescue.

"Master Revolver?!" She yelped.

"Marion!" Chuckles cried as Mobster Marion blocked a deadly blow from the Dragons Scale Scythe with her sword downstairs.

"You're out of your league kiddo, get your little buddy upstairs and get out." Mobster Marion warned, an iciness to her voice that Chuckles had never heard before. "My forefathers wiped these punks off the map and I intend to do the same."

Chuckles stepped back. He didn't want to hand this fight over to his sworn enemies but it didn't seem like he had a choice.

"You've done what you've needed, you've saved the innocents, now GET OUT." Master Revolver growled at Giggles. "This isn't your fight."

Giggles groaned, but she knew he was right. She quickly flew out of the building and tapped on one of the downstairs windows. Chuckles motioned to Peter and the other Council Workers.

"Come on, let's get out of here." He said. They all rushed out of the doors, where Giggles grabbed Chuckles and they flew off to the tip.

Chapter Fifty-Four: The March Hill Massacre.

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in The Story.

The morning of the protest dawned clear and calm. At the crack of dawn both boys were up to do their chores before heading out for what they believed was the turning point in the history of their city.

"Just promise me you boys will be careful." Thomas Masters said to James as the family sat down to breakfast.

"We will. We'll be going as Damon and Pythias. That should discourage anyone from trying to attack." James helped himself to another slice of bread and butter.

Meanwhile, Peter Begly was having a similar conversation with his son, Frank.

"Any sign of danger and I want you to promise me you'll come straight home." Peter warned as Frank drank his milk.

"We promise." Frank agreed.

The pair met at the scrapyard, where they changed into their disguises and headed out to meet the crowd – and their destinies.

"Did your father read you the riot act too?" James asked as he pulled on his black pants.

"Yeah. Anyone would think he didn't have two other sons to carry on if I was lost." Frank chuckled, putting on his blue shirt.

"I have three for the old man to fall back on, although I don't think Lachlan really subscribes to the family ethos." James mused. "He's never had the Improbability Clause used on him, and I don't think he knows any of the rules from the Masters Code."

"A Masters who doesn't know the Code? That's a bit worrying." Frank raised an eyebrow. "Montague Masters wrote the Code because of his violent tendancies, which he got from his father."

"That's MAURICE Masters, Montague was the Begly, but that's just a legend though. I mean, I've never had any violent urges in my life." James pointed out as he tied on his scarf to finish his transformation into Damon.

"I guess so." Frank laughed, putting on the hat that finished his transformation into Pythias.

—

"WHAT DO WE WANT?" Yelled Damon.

"A SAFE CITY!" Was the reply from the slowly increasing crowd in front of the the Mayors office.

"WHAT WILL MAKE OUR CITY SAFE?" Yelled Pythias.

"COUNCIL RESPONSIBILITY!" Was the cry.

"For the last 90 years our Council has sat in the pocket of criminals and scum, letting them terrorise this city and those who live here!" Damon cried. "We won't let this city become overrun with corruption, the time to stop the rot is now!"

The crowd cheered.

"You really know how to give a good speech." Pythias grinned as Damon took a breath.

"That's because I'm educated." Damon smirked.

The front doors of City Hall opened, and out walked the Mayor.

"What is the meaning of this disturbance?" He asked coldly.

"We're sick of the underbelly this city is fostering!" Pythias replied. "We're sick of criminals hurting people and either getting let off or getting piss-weak sentences!"

"Or even the state of Pleasantville Correction Centre, anyone would think you WANTED to allow criminals to walk out of there without any worries!" Damon added. "And it's the same crims every time, the ones who are paying you and keeping you in your snug little office!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." The Mayor replied coldly, and getting jeered and booed by the crowd for his trouble. "I will now ask that you move along, you are creating an unlawful disturbance."

"We're allowed to protest!" Damon retorted.

"You two are known for your violence and insufferability." The Mayor pointed out. "How do I know this protest won't devolve into something more sinister?"

"We've left our weapons at home. We plan to do this peacefully." Pythias opened his arms to show that the Lions Claw Blade was no where on his person. Damon copied him, to prove that he didn't have the Lucky Seven Gun etiher.

"So be it. I will not be held responsible for anything that goes wrong, you hear?" The Mayor scowled before stalking back to his office.

"Believe me, nothing is going to go wrong." Damon grinned.

—

Several days later, the protest was still going. Many people had left in boredom, and tempers were starting to rise.

"This ISN'T working." Pythias groaned as another small group of people left, leaving only 48 people and the two cowboys.

"Trust me, it will work. The Mayor is starting to crack, believe me." Damon insisted.

He was half-right. The Mayor WAS starting to crack. A government representative was going to be visiting in the next few days, and if the protest was still going then questions were going to be asked. It could very well mean the end of his time in charge of the city.

"You're the highest power in this city." The Mayor looked out of the window of his office at the crowd below. "They fear you, as they rightly should. That's why I called you in here."

"And what do I get out of it?" Crusader Roger scowled, his arms shackled – after the attempt at stealing the wagons, Crusader Roger had been captured by Pythias, who had tied him up and left him for the sheriff to deal with.

"A pardon, of course. For you and your men." The Mayor turned to the angry criminal. "Get rid of them."

"You have yourself a deal, Mister Mayor." Crusader Roger grinned.

Outside, Pythias was talking to another protestor while Damon was stalking the front of the crowd.

"We've almost got them. I'm certain we do. They can't just ignore us." He muttered to himself.

"Who says we're ignoring you? A bit stupid to do this unarmed, don't you think?"

Damon and Pythias spun around. In front of the Council building stood Crusader Rodger and over a hundred of his Crusaders.

"We're protesting peacefully. You have no right to be here." Pythias said, but his voice wavered slightly. Each of the Crusaders held a shotgun in his hands, and they were all pointed at the crowd.

"What are we going to do?" Whispered one of the protesters.

"We're staying here." Damon glared into the eyes of Crusader Roger. "He'd never fire on an unarmed group, and even if he did, he'd be finished within the hour."

Crusader Roger laughed. The colour drained from Damons face.

"Don't you get it you fool?" Crusader Roger pulled out his own pistol and aimed it at Damon. "The Mayor is the one who ordered us to do this."

A look of pure horror covered Damons face, before Crusader Rogers bullet went through his heart and ended his life.

"JIMMY!" Pythias screamed, before his head was blown off by another bullet. The Crusaders had begun firing on the crowd, who were sitting ducks. Some managed to start running, but they too were easily mowed down.

After the dust cleared, nothing was left of the protest but bloodied, dead bodies.

—

"And it was after the massacre that Lachlan Masters, fuelled by his rage, formed the Death Valley Gang." Belle continued to explain. "He kept the Lucky Seven Gun for himself, and traded the Lions Claw Blade to the Mobsters of Misneach for help in destroying the March Hill Crusaders."

"Damon and Pythias." Daniel mused.

"The forerunners of Chuckles and Giggles." Sunny said.

"Yeah, only they didn't have the luxury of seven Noble Knights of the Last Order behind them." Sam pointed out.

"And luckily, we don't have to deal with the March Hill Crusaders." Petunia shuddered. "They sound brutal."

—

In a small cabin just outside of Pleasantville, two men were meeting.

"I can't thank you enough for giving me this job." One said to the other. "After I stormed out of the Death Valley Mobsters in the middle of a job, I thought I was done for."

"Not at all." The other replied. "Your information has been beyond helpful, not to mention your skill and experience as a criminal. They were foolish to let you go."

"Well, I think Revolver was too concerned with what his psycho girlfriend was plotting, not to mention it's kinda hard to shoot a man in his jocks." The first man laughed.

"Either way, I'm glad you're on our side for now." The second man got up out of his chair and poured two glasses of whiskey.

"It's admirable that you and your people have managed to stay hidden for so many generations." The first man accepted the glass of whiskey from his co-conspirator.

"To our return to power." The second man lifted his glass in a toast.

"To your return to power." The first man grinned.

Lucy in the sky…

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

Picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine tress and marmalade skies…

or a badly directed episode of Yes Minister…you chose

This is the farcical, sometimes comical, but always frustrating state The Mausleum finds itself in these days. “Organisational Change' it's called and it's doing my head in big time. Let's split from 'this' and call ourselves 'that' even though we're doing the same things as 'them' but wait lets consolidate that bit and relocate this bit and dammmit let's do it all again just one more time with feeling!!! Confused yet? Try living through it. Now we've reverted to 'that' name because after all we really ARE all working in the same domain after all and you know that bit that was ours for 12 months? well we can't have it any more because it fits better over there…….

oh and job security? WTF is that these days….

three new bosses in 12 months, or is it 6 in nine and hell where do I actually fit in any more and is my work really cotributing to the organisations goals?

So let's find a new job I says to meself……
where shall I work? shall I move interstate, inter ity or just inter current site?
what am I actually quallified for and Lord help me writing the application because I am damned if I know what to write after seven years in one spot.
Then there's the interview…can someone PLEASE tell me how NOT to look like a babbling idiot in front of an interview panel…..

Anyway I guess I screwed that one up…better luck next time eh?

Cruisin' (Part 3)

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

There's nothing quite like the gentle motion of a ship on the seas to rock you off to sleep.
The dozen or so cockatils consumed had nothing to do with it!!!

Waking up knowing someone has cooked breakfast and you don't have to clean up the wreckage is so cool. Then while you consume said breakfast someone cleans the bathroom, makes the bed and replenishes the fresh fruit basket. Bliss.
After breakfast a brisk walk around the 'top' deck watching as the serious runners breeze by you (really who does THAT much exercise on hols?) and then down to deck 5 to the coffee shop for tea, coffee and trivia!
Ok so there are lifts on board to get us from lowly deck 5 to the lofty heights of deck 11 but HR and I chose to take the stairs! Theres a hell of a lot of stairs between decks you know, sometimes we had to take a break at deck 8…at the Casino.

Hagalicious and I did a Martini Masters course. So much fun!!! and of course the martini's were not wasted (on me anyway) Hagalicious decided martini is not her preferred tipple. The wait staff in the Orient bar (deck 7) are a very talented bunch. They sing, they dance, and make a wicked martini. Lots of audience participation in the dancing. Haven't laughed so much for ages.

HR and CR sat at another bar drinking and doing whatever it is blokes do when women aren't around to advise them.

Now on board the beautiful Pacific Dawn there are two Cocktail folders, each with a different selection to choose from. In the fine tradition of Bar Auditors around the world I sampled ALL of them (except the choclatey ones, I don't do chocolatey drinks, though the Toblerone almost got me to change my mind). I coud do a seperate blog comaparing the relative merits of each drink I tried but I think I woud be the only one who enjoyed it. One cannot drink vicariously, it just doesn't work.

Whilst this blog is predominantly about food I won't go into graphic detail, but suffice to say the Eggs Florentine were deliciously perfect, the Salmon and Cream Cheese Omelette was divine and the cheese boards were very acceptable!
I will however, mention Luna one of the specialty restaurants on board. There is a cover charge of $29 per person but it is so worth it! The restaurant rotates between various Asian cusines and this cruise was a Japanese degustation. Eight courses of  beautifully cooked and presented Japanes foods ( the menu is downloadable from the Luna link in this blog). Some different tatses for us to try and I enjoyed it all.

Now when I mention Bingo a lot of you will groan but…when the jackpot sits at $5000.00 and you're two numbers off it can be pretty exciting ( no we didn't win but hell we had a good try).

Apart from Bingo and trivia there was plenty more to occupy us including a very funny Hypnotist (Anthony B Laffan) who had some of the guests doing very funny things, an excellent review called Life as We Know It, an engrossing talk from the Pilot who navigated us through The Great Barrier Reef section of the trip, oh and Name That Song ( another hilarious take on trivia) to name a few.

And every day that lovely cabin person came cleaned the bathroom and made the bed !
Cruising is such a joy!

HR and I have already booked an amazing deal to sail on the Pacific Aria (yes she was 'christened' today in that P&O spectacular in Sydney Harbour) , A seven day cruise to Cairns, Willis Island etc in a Balcony room with a drinks package each and $300 room credit for $1729.00 each! Outstanding value.
I could go on and on and on…you get the picture, but I will make this the last Part of the cruisin' post.
If you're enjoying the read please leave a comment, feedback good/constructive is always welcome.

Cruisn' (Part 2)

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

So here's how it all went down….

The afformentioned friends from the Mausoleum, HR and I all trundled down to Brisvegas the day before the cruise left We like to stay at the Airolodge and congregate around the pool sipping coldies of some description and generally getting into holiday mode. The Airolodge has the added advantage of 1.) cheap parking for the car while you cruise and 2.) they have a shuttle takes you down to the wharf in time for embarkation as well s being a comfy well priced hotel.
Next morning we saunter out for breakie and make sure we have the cash we want to leave with the purser for drinkies on the cruise (using debit//credit cards can freeze funds for a little while after the cruise so we use cash). Into the shuttle and off to the wharf for boarding. As we were in a Mini Suite we had priority boarding so we escaped the cattle crush of the lower decks (oh yeah we were snobby).
 On board we went to check out our suite and then up  the Lido deck for a cruising cocktail or six.
Watching the ebb and flow of the punters at the bar as the ship started to fill up with passengers is thirsty work.
After the Dawn set sail, promptly at 1600 hours, we went downstairs to get our bags unpacked and settle in before dinner. Problem:it seems HR had left some sort of multi tool in his bag from a previous trip and security wanted to have a word with him before he could have his bag!!! Seriously! Who does that???
Crisis averted and some welcome aboard champagne later, we went to dinner with our travel companions.
We dined at the Waterfront Restaurant Deck 7. It was a schemozzle!! There were several large parties aboard and the staff , God bless them, were overwhelmed.. mostly by the rudeness of some people!!
There was a wedding party (I'll swear they were from Bogan Central) very large in number and size…
The first lot of bread rolls had been consumed and a second lot was going round and then a third…but wait! Old mate in the back row didn't get a third roll ( he didn't need one either from the size of him) all hell broke loose! He chased the poor little wait person all the way back to the wait staion and commenced harranguing them at the top of his voice in front of a packed restaurant! Appalling behaviour, even his own family was embarassed.
Sadly the food that night was not what we had experienced on previous cruises and so we did not eat an evening meal there again this cruise.
After dinner we went to the coffee shop on Deck 5 for a soothing Jasmine tea (me) and a cappacino (HR). All in all a good start to the cruise. More to come soon!

Cruisin' (Part 1)

Written by Crofton77 on . Posted in eatsaroundaustralia.

I LOVE cruising! Yes yes I have only been on two cruises BUT…I will be going on more in the near future. Technically I guess the trip from England to Australia on the Castel Felice in 1967 counts as a cruise so we'll call it three cruises then.
Cruising is the ultimate in relaxing and having everything done for you. Someone makes the bed every morning, turns down the covers every evening, and leaves a choccy on the pillow. Someone cooks every meal for you, with a variety of eating spots, and a variety of foods available. Someone clears away the dirty dishes and then washes them (you never see any of the cooking or cleaning going on…it's like magic…). Someone makes all the different cocktails you could ever want to drink and there's heaps of entertaining things to do every day and night!!!! Oh and apparently some cruises stop at interesting places that you can leave the ship and go and visit for awhile.

The cruise HR and I just completed was a four day trip from Brisbane to Airlie Beach and back. We've been to Airlie Beach before so we didn't see the need to leave the ship at all.

We organised the cruise earlier this year and counted down the months, weeks, days, hours even the minutes. We were one of four couples from The Mausoleum to sail away (it's always fun to have friends to hang with). The beautiful Pacific Dawn (formerly Regal Princess from the Fincantieri shipyard in Italy), part of the P&O Fleet, was the ship to take us away!!! (Take me away P&O was an advertising jingle back in the day). I love the gorgeous curves and old worldliness of her interior decor (go google images of her).

On our previous cruise we had booked a Balcony room, this time we went with the Mini Suite. There are a few advantages to a Mini Suite including; priority boarding, bigger room, lots of perks (canapes and champagne in room), fresh fruit daily, a bath in the bathroom and priority disembarkation to name a few. Mini Suites have balconies too. Only issue is that the Mini Suites are below the Lido deck where all the parties and nightlife go on, makes a hell of a racket at night if you're staying in or wanting an early night.
Other than that I think a Mini Suite is a damned good option!!
Time for a post cruise cocktail……part 2 coming up soon.

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